Parks and Wreck

28Jan11

Look, I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I’ve seen a strange and dangerous creature at the local playgrounds lately and I think my readers (all one of you) deserve fair warning. This beast is quick, agile, usually clad in all black, and a real threat to our safe havens.  Just yesterday I was enjoying some sunshine and chatting with a friend while my kids were…doing something, I don’t know what – what am I the park police?…when out of nowhere one flew past.

God, it was a terrifying sight. I don’t even know what to call it.  It was seemingly female, larger than a normal playground child, but still bouncing around, giggling and in hot pursuit of a small child.  Of course the kid didn’t know to be afraid.  The poor bastard was laughing, too!  It was almost like it was a scene from one of those fantasy feel-good movies where the mom is PLAYING with the children!

Wait.

Shit!

I think that’s what it was!  Because there was another one at a different playground last week.  And there was a striking family resemblance.  What the hell?  Is this a New Year’s Resolution thing?  Because it’s almost February.  Time to be ditching that crap.  The playground is for children.

Where’s the solidarity, bitchez?

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