From Safety Monitor to Prison Warden?


Ok, this is for real now.

Up ’til now I’ve been doing this twin thing with what I’ll admit is a sense of smug superiority.  I often found myself wondering just why all these people were wondering how I do it, and kept referring to my tiny pals as “double trouble.”  It just didn’t seem so bad!  And of course I always had the old, “Well, two babies is all I know!”

I happily rode the “I don’t know any better” train for a long time and let me tell you that train is off the fucking tracks.  These two kids move nonstop in opposite directions and they do it fast.  They have absolutely no fear and even less common sense.  They are addicted to brick, tile, sharp corners and although they hate to be cliche, electrical outlets.

My life as a twin mom has officially begun.

I’m not sure if I’m prepared for it, and I’m certain that my house isn’t.  There was a family with 1 year old twins in our old apartment complex and I used to sneer into their apartment in the evenings. (Don’t you love looking in people’s houses at night?)  Their living room was completely devoid of furniture and there was just a giant play yard.  I told just about everyone I know how ridiculous it seemed to me and of course told them how I’d NEVER do that, that the babies need to learn to explore and all kinds of other bullshit.  I’m sure you know where this is headed, right?

Well, we were vacationing at my mom’s house for 10 days – the same 10 days that brought on the keee-razy, busy babies, but we returned Sunday night and as Hubs put it on his way to work Monday morning, my vacation was WAY more over than his.  I cannot believe how fast they are.  And how little regard they have for potential head trauma.  Sassy’s new favorite place to pull up is the seat of the jumperoo.  You know the one that bounces and swings?  They also like bookshelves, potted plants, you name it.  The storage ottomans that I bought for just this purpose are “like so February, Mom!”

So yeah, I’ve been considering a babyprison.  I’ve made it for two days so far with both skulls intact, but that’s included a long drive to pick up the dog from the kennel, a lunch outing, a trip to the Discovery Museum, and countless walks.   And even with all those diversions I am exhausted by 6pm.  This safety monitor business is hard work!  I will continue to resist the fence as long as I can, but I totally see the benefit of it.  Sorry for all the sneers, former neighbors!!

So, other twin moms:  Did you use a play yard?  If so did it offer a bit of relief?  And if not, how did you approach the safety issue?  HELP!!!

Also – I love me a quirky singer, but what is with this Megan Joy person on Idol?  What am I missing?  Educate me.  Or better yet, agree with me!

PS – Workout Wednesday is coming tomorrow…


7 Responses to “From Safety Monitor to Prison Warden?”

  1. 1 lifeineden

    Peaches is up on all 4 and rocking. Soon we will need to go the baby jail route. With my first I did as you want, just saftey proofed and watched carefully (for the most part, when we got a puppy we did have a gate system to separate them). Now in our current place there is just no way. Too many hazards that are not removable due to little apartment. They will need to be confined! I’m hoping we can move past that when we get into a house in about 6 months, but until then …

    I’ll be looking to see what type of gate/prison you get!

  2. I never personally used a playyard. I just use the regular gates to keep them out of the rooms I don’t want them in. But I do have friends who use them and LOVE them. I can see where they help, I just never had room for a giant fence in my home. I so get where you are coming from with the different directions. It is rare that the boys are headed to the same place (except if it is to the kitchent o try and scavenger hunt for food). Don’t worry, it gets better…eventually they learn to come when you call them! LOL

  3. 3 geohde

    Ooooh, yes. My twins are little destructabots. A baby jail is in my near future, my frazzled reflexes just can’t keep up any more 🙂


  4. Hah – when I read the part about pulling up on the jumperoo, I said (out loud) “Hey, the Jumping Bean does that!” Of course, he usually does it when the Nugget is IN the jumper, thus doubling the chance of head trauma. It doesn’t usually turn out so well.

    As for safety (?) measures, we’ve pretty much deemed one room the play room and gated it off from the rest of the house. It’s still not “safe,” as there are still cords to pull and plants to fall, but we have kind of decided what happens in there doesn’t matter and we’ll replace it all when they’re teenagers.

    Of course, only one is highly mobile at this point. I may change my tune when the Nugget joins in the chaos. 🙂

  5. 5 Stacey

    You crack me up!!!! I am sorry I have no personal experience with more than one baby, but from pics I have seen on other multiple blogs..triplets, quads…their houses are COVERED in gates/play yards…of course the house looks nuts, but at least the kids are safe..
    I totally agree with you about Megan Joy!!!! I LOVE HER!!!! She is so pretty and I LOVE her tatoo!!!! I think she has a great voice and I love her style…I like her goofy little dance she does…obviously I don’t think she will win it all, but am really hopeful someone will give her a chance so we can see more of her in the future!!!
    Hang in there with the sweet kiddos….I often thought of putting them on a rope with about a 4 foot radius….or you could get them a retractable leash…just kidding!!! Have a great rest of the week!!!

  6. We have a fully baby-proofed and gated “rubber room.” (We used to call it the dining room, but other than the candles that are still on the wall, you’d never know it.)

    It’s a total life saver, tho when you’re playing a zone defense!

  7. I have no experience with the two kid thing but just wanted to let you know – once again – how flippin’ hilarious you are. You are one gifted writer, Miss E.

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