Bad Mothering, MomSprung Style

08Apr09

So yesterday afternoon Butts was dragging his ass all over the place. Actually it was more like he was dragging his head. He’d be speed crawling somewhere and then a wave of ennui would wash over him and he’d just lay his big ole dome down on the floor for a quick rest. Then, a few seconds later, it was off to the races.

I didn’t think much of it since he was in good spirits and having fun between his floor-naps. Then after dinner we were in the playroom* and he didn’t want to do anything but cuddle with me. He was also burning up. Not sure how I didn’t notice that before, but since this is a post about bad mothering, we’ll just chalk it up to that, right? But it’s not even the worst part.

Despite the fact that I knew he was sick, I actually enjoyed the hell out of the half-hour we spent cuddling. Thankfully, Sass was just fine puttering around the room on her own. She’d come over occasionally to give us her weird puckerless, open mouth kisses, but then off she’d go. So I got to enjoy time just hugging on my big baby. It’s so wrong to enjoy your child’s illness, isn’t it? But I know if he hadn’t been illin’ he would have been tearing around the room with Sass. Usually following her so he could rip more hairs out of her head. Anyway, even that is not the worst of my parenting.

We don’t use the monitors any more since their room is right nearby and they don’t usually wake up anyway. But last night I figured we should listen in. So when I heard some cries, what did I do? I fucking turned it off. I do this a lot with the alarm clock, which is why it’s on Hubs’ side. But I didn’t think my need for sleep was so strong and my level of caring was so weak that I’d turn off my babies’ crying! I sort of remember this happening and I think I told myself that it was morning, anyway so I’d just rest while they ramp up and they’ll wake us up in a few.

So then he cried out again (which thankfully I heard sans monitor) and it was 4:47am. So, not really time to get up quite yet. God only knows what time it was the first time! I’m telling myself it was all one episode of crying that started at 4:30 at the very earliest. Anyone with me on that? Then he was quiet again and woke up for real at 5:45. Once again, quite warm, but in great spirits! Thankfully he’s not holding my ignoring ways against me. Isn’t that horrible, though? Why bother with the monitor at all, if I’m just gonna turn it off.

FYI – about the fever. It was 103 last night, 101 this morning and now just before his nap it was 100. I haven’t called our pedi because she told me only to be worried about fevers that are accompanied by fussiness. So, I’m probably being a bad mother on this, too, but as long as it keeps going down, I’m saving that $40 co-pay for his therapy sessions down the road.

*So, you may or may not recall my dilemma about the baby jail. Well, instead of buying the fence business, we turned our 3rd bedroom (aka dumping ground) into a playroom. It’s working out really well and I’ll post pictures…eventually. I still use it like a jail, sometimes I’ll leave them in there and run to the bathroom or the liquor cabinet or something, but it feels better leaving them in a “playroom” than a “playpen.” Semantics, I know, but it works for me!

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2 Responses to “Bad Mothering, MomSprung Style”

  1. Oh how I wish I had a playroom for Little Lassie! And ok, one for FlyGuy would do nicely since he doesn’t do anything quietly.

    We’re in the same boat over here at chez Lassie. LL is sick and had a fever of 104 the other day. Now its lower, but the doctor wants to see her this afternoon. She never has any other symptoms except fever. she never even gets grumpy or cuddly. If I get any good insight about random fevers I’ll let you know.

    And FWIW, I’m SURE Butts started crying at 4:30.

  2. My little boy is super cuddly when he has a fever too. And, no it isn’t being a bad mommy to turn off the monitor. I sometimes WISH I could because his noises and sleep babbling wake me up. The problem at our house is that our rooms are situated in a way that I would NEVER, EVER hear him in my bedroom w/o it.


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