As I sit here waiting desperately for the Laker-Nugget game to end I pretend to wish it would end favorably for the Lakers. But really I am leaning toward Denver, since at this point a Laker win would involve OT.)

Ahh… it’s over.  Sorry honey.  I know you were hoping for the Lakers to pull it out, but maybe next time.  You know, when So You Think You Can Dance ISN’T ON??  I need me some Mary Murphy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ok, apparently I really needed her!  It’s tomorrow!  It’s just that Mary is so captivating; I must have gotten sucked in.  And don’t forget her lecherous, homophobic sidekick.  Fine, I’m not one for same sex ballroom dancing, but wow.  He was super assy about it.  Also?  Supposedly-straight-half-of-that-duo?  Dude.  Maybe you can take the time you would have spent on SYTYCD for some quiet reflection on just who you are.  If you’re comfortable enough to a) dance rhumbas with a dude and b) wear that hideous electric blue sausage suit while doing so, you’re probably comfortable enough to just be honest with yourself.  Just sayin’

Alrighty, then!  This post had absolutely nothing to do with any of that the way I had it written in my head.  But that was last night, and now I don’t know what the hell I was hoping to say.  Hmm…  ok, the title is One.  U2 song?  Number of showers I get per week?  The way I keep spelling “won” lately because I am fucking braindead?

Those aren’t really ringing a bell.  One…one…1…. 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My kids are 1! (And 3 weeks!)  Oh yeah!  Jeez, for a supposed momblogger, you’d think that might have warranted a post.  A loving letter to the babies or to my husband or my fertility doctor or SOMETHING.  No.  Instead I passed most of the time eating cake and slugging down all the leftover beer from their party.  And I spent the other time writhing in pain from the weaning.  OH THE WEANING!

I had successfully dropped several nursing seshes with pretty much zero engorgement, and for the first 4 or 5 days after I dropped the last one (final session was the morning before their birthday) I was just fine.  But then my boobs swelled up to gargantuan proportions and became rocklike.  And so tender.  OUCHIE!  Of course this all went down right when the (not so) Littles decided that if their mom is too cheap to buy them a jungle gym, then she must mean for them to climb all over her.  CONSTANTLY.  I didn’t really mean that kids.  I’m just a miser.

BUT, thanks to the interwebs and their suggestion of Sudafed, I’m all fixed up.  And apparently a C-cup?  I have always had comically large boobs, but now that they’re out of service, they have taken a backseat to my ever emerging gut.  (See cake/beer consumption detailed above.)  This small boob thing is crazy!  I like it!  But it’s weird.  But I like it!  I think it’s going to do wonders for my golf game.

Speaking of which, Sass, mama’s girl that she is, gave me 4 golf lessons for Mother’s Day!  She knows me so well!  And Butts got me a beautiful silver bangle bracelet.  That one was kind of selfish, though, since he loves to play with it.  Men!

So, I should include some sort of kid-update, no?

Both runts are thisclose to walking.  They take steps between the Hubs and I – Sass took like 10 last night!  But they’re not really into just trying it out on their own.  Wusses.  Actually NOT wusses at all.  I wish!  They are climbing fanatics.  Look out Sir Edmund Hilary.  The poosome twosome are comin’ for your records.  You know how built in bookshelves are so charming?   You know what else about them?  They are fucking built-in which means they make fabulous ladders THAT I CANNOT REMOVE.  Ugh.  Not sure what we’ll do about that.

They also like to talk a lot.  And by talk I mean yell.  And shriek.  And holler.  Not much of it makes sense, but Butts says “That! (dat)” and “Dada” pretty damn reliably.  And Sass has gone with the 1-word vocabulary so far.  “Quack (kak)”  She is really good at answering “Sass, what does the duck say?” and whenever we show her a duck she says it.  She’s probably going to have to branch out eventually, but for now she is impossibly pleased with herself whenever she says it so I say let’s go with it.

Speaking of going with it, they did tremendously well with the switchover from nursing to cow’s milk.  These tiny people are unflappable, I tell you!  The morning of their birthday they woke up to a sippy cup of whole milk.  “No boob today?  And no bottle?  Um…you sure?  Well, ok then.  It is our birthday, though, couldn’t you have spiked it with a little somethin’?  Strawberry Quik, maybe?  No?  Whatevs, hand it over.”

I became frantic every time I entered the 1st birthday aisle at our local Party City.  So!Much!Ugly!Crap!  The only thing that held any appeal was the Sesame Street stuff, but for one thing, our friends had just hosted their kids’ party a la Elmo, and for another, my kids don’t know Oscar from a hole in the wall.  So we went “adult” with the theme.  NO, NO, not THAT adult!  The Cinco de Mayo party was my nod toward the Mexican vacation I wanted to take with the money we spent on the party.  Oh well, at least the kids will always have the party to rememb… wait, scratch that.  WHY did we do it, exactly?

Fine, fine…it was a blast.  And I’m so glad we did it.  My dad planned a trip out from Syracuse for the party and my brother surprised us from NYC!  What a fab uncle!  But seriously I could have done with a few days of sun, sand and tequila.

On the upside, we discovered that Sass is a true lady, and she’s got the cake eating skills to prove it.  At first she wasn’t sure if she wanted any.

pre cake sass

Then, she dug in and ended up like this.

post cake sass

Not to be outdone, Matty enjoyed the crap out of his cake, too.  He didn’t even bother with the pre-cake tantrum.

matty cake

“Can I eat it now?  How ’bout now?  NOW???”

And he got himself nice and messy, too.

post cake butts

All in all, the party and the year it celebrated were picture perfect.  I was driving somewhere the other day with my two big kids in their car seats, drinking sippy cups of milk and I got teary eyed.  I have two toddlers!  Who drink milk on-the-go!  As I say at every milestone, this is completely unfathomable to me, even though it is my reality.  My every day, every minute reality.  And I couldn’t imagine things any other way.


3 Responses to “One”

  1. 1 lifeineden

    Happy Birthday Babies!

  2. 2 geohde

    How did THAT happen.

    Oh wait, mine are nearly ten months….



  3. 3 Lassie

    I still find it unbelievable that I’m a mom and my Little Lassie is a toddler. Sometimes, its scary because it feels too good to be true. But it is true.
    We are mothers! Ain’t it grand!

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