Parks and Wreck
Look, I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I’ve seen a strange and dangerous creature at the local playgrounds lately and I think my readers (all one of you) deserve fair warning. This beast is quick, agile, usually clad in all black, and a real threat to our safe havens. Just yesterday I was enjoying some sunshine and chatting with a friend while my kids were…doing something, I don’t know what – what am I the park police?…when out of nowhere one flew past.
God, it was a terrifying sight. I don’t even know what to call it. It was seemingly female, larger than a normal playground child, but still bouncing around, giggling and in hot pursuit of a small child. Of course the kid didn’t know to be afraid. The poor bastard was laughing, too! It was almost like it was a scene from one of those fantasy feel-good movies where the mom is PLAYING with the children!
I think that’s what it was! Because there was another one at a different playground last week. And there was a striking family resemblance. What the hell? Is this a New Year’s Resolution thing? Because it’s almost February. Time to be ditching that crap. The playground is for children.
Where’s the solidarity, bitchez?
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