Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Ah…Family Dinner.  The idyllic time spent around the dinner table sharing tidbits about our day, sampling nutritious fare and warding off all the evils of childhood.  Did you know if you do Family Dinner your kids won’t do drugs/lie/cheat/be slutty/ or otherwise tarnish the family name?  If Parenting magazine writes enough articles about it, it […]

Parks and Wreck


Look, I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I’ve seen a strange and dangerous creature at the local playgrounds lately and I think my readers (all one of you) deserve fair warning. This beast is quick, agile, usually clad in all black, and a real threat to our safe havens.  Just yesterday I was […]

A way-too-typical “conversation” from a car ride today: Matty -Mommy, whassat ovah deyah? Me -A shopping center. Matty -A shoppin’ center? Me -Yes!  That’s right! Matty-A shoppin’ center? Me -Yup! Matty-A shoppin’ center? Me -Yeah. Matty-A shoppin’ center? -Uh huh. Matty -A shoppin’ center? Me – grinding teeth Matty -A shoppin’ center? (Crickets) Matty -A shoppin center?  A shoppin’ […]

This Ass


Who goes to an author’s reading of her very first book and calls said author an ass? This ass, that’s who. Of course it was a joke and of course it was in context, but that didn’t stop the three ice queens sitting in front of me from whipping around staring down their noses at […]

So, yesterday I sent this email to a few of my “mom” friends: Subject:  Special Opportunity! The (Our Last Name Here) 3, usually just a weekday grouping will be available for playdates and so much more this weekend!  You’ll want to get in on this amazing opportunity while it lasts! The Hubs wants to go […]

Let me break it down for ya: I’m currently pinned on the couch by 28 pounds of sleeping sick toddler. That? Could be worse. My real problem? The 30 pounds of non-sick toddler running loose in the house. My only options for discipline are as follows: 1. Squirting him with a water bottle (already proven […]

My sanity, that is. You often hear descriptions that toddlers are like Neanderthals. Mine, Sarah especially, are more like mental patients.  To be more specific, girlfriend is batshit crazy.  Sad thing is, I’m no different. Take this recent, and quite typical, episode stemming from her pre-nap diaper change: I’ll preface by saying that lately she’s […]